Friendship PTSD

Happy Sunday Moms! I hope you all enjoyed Christmas with your beautiful families. Now that you have spent the past few days making sure everyone else had a smile on their face, it’s your turn. Its “ME” time 😊 Grab your wine, tea, and snacks for this one. We are about to get real clear on who and what will NOT be following us into the New Year!

Today’s topic is FRIENDS! * sings *FRIENDS…. how many of us have them, FRIENDS…? Ones we damn sure cannot depend on lol! I am laughing now but I did not enjoy finding out who my true friends were this year. Talk about growing pains and be careful what you wish for because that was me! You ever pray for the fakes to be revealed and when they are you’re like no way, let me try to test them again…… man do they ALWAYS fail.

To be honest, a friendship breakup is worse than a romantic breakup. My logic is we are taught to understand that romantic relationships may not last forever. We go through life with that understanding from a young age. But your girlfriends, they are supposed to be forever! When that romantic relationship becomes nonexistent, they are supposed to be there wiping your tears and making you feel better. But what happens when that is one sided?  How many of you feel like “damn I’ve been there for this girl through EVERYTHING and the one time I need her to understand or be there for me she isn’t?” For me, TOO MANY TIMES! Actually, many of my friendships were like this. I poured into them, was their therapist, their go to, their encourager, number 1 supporter, and when I looked around none of it was reciprocated. I was the she has it together so she will be okay friend. The she thinks she is all that friend. The who cares how she feels friend. The I can treat her any kind of way and she will still be there for me friend. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!

I blame myself though, and before I go any further I’d like us all to acknowledge something. A relationship takes two people and the same goes for when the relationship fails. I am in no way stating that I was the perfect friend. I may have hurt some feelings, missed ONE thing, or not shown up for a friend in the capacity that they needed. For that, I will take accountability and apologize now. My intentions are never to hurt anyone. No friend of mine in the past or present can ever say that I did not genuinely care, be there for, and support them and if they do, they’re liars. Point blank period. Now that I’ve set the tone and stated my apologies, let’s get into how I realized girls be having the AUDACITY!

You ever hear something and say there’s no way that can be true, that doesn’t even make sense? Well I am here to tell you that you truly find out who your real friends are when you get pregnant and/ or become a mother.

It is almost like a switch comes on when you enter this new chapter of your life. Those same friends that you were there for when they became mothers are not there for you in the same way that you were there for them. Even those friends who aren’t mothers, but you talked to every single day start to distance themselves and act weird. Everyone becomes “fake busy” lol. Sorry, but I am going to have to call you fake busy friends out. YOU ARE NOT TOO BUSY when your entire day involves scrolling through social media looking through everyone’s business but your own. There’s no way you’re too busy to check on your friends or converse with them, but you are not too busy to know what a stranger wore today, who the stranger is beefing with, or which celebrity has some drama going on today. Your “friends” are more concerned with the shade room than they are you. RED FLAG! 🚩 🚩🚩🚩Especially a red flag if you do not do them like that.

Now, listen… we are all adults here I assume. So, we can reason with people when they say look I am your friend but I am the distant friend. They further explain that I may not talk to you or check on you but I think about you, pray for you, and wish you the best, always. Those people, we can truly feel when that is genuine. Other people that say this, not so much. Because for me, it is the selective distance. Someone explain to me how you can call yourself a distant friend yet your distance is only with certain people. A distant friend to me is someone distant with EVERYONE. Someone who has expressed that they are going through things and have no time to discuss with EVERYONE, not just a few people. MAYBE someone who gets on social media because it makes them laugh in their sadness but STILL they are distant with EVERYONE!

I think that some of us need to sit down with ourselves and get real. Why are you in the selective distant friend group OR why are you only picking to be distant with a few of your friends? If you are the friend being distant, be honest with yourself or the friend and assess whether the friendship no longer serves you. As selfish as it may be or seem, you have the right to cut off any friendship that you see fit. What I don’t think you have the right to do is string along friends when it is convenient for you but you expect that same friend to jump, hop, and skip though ANYTHING for you! Bullshit! Emphasis on bullshit!

For the friend who is being distanced from, you truly need to sit with yourself and evaluate whether this friendship serves you. Ask yourself these questions.

1. Have they shown up for me how I have shown up for them?
2. When was the last time they inquired about my well-being?
3. Do they check on my family? For parents this is important and especially important if you check on theirs.
4. Do they support me the same way that I have supported them?
5. Most importantly to me as a mom now, have they shown any interest in getting to know or see my child?

If one, two, three or all are a no, THEY GOTTA GO! I have learned many lessons in life and the main lesson I carry with me every day is that we all will not be here forever. The way you treat someone today can be the last day you ever interact with them. I’ve seen moms, dads, grandparents, friends, significant others, lose someone they love. Yet people who are still alive are treating the people they “love” as if we all just have time out here. None of you deserve to feel like you are an expendable friend.

At the end of this year, I can truly say that I have found my true friends and I want you all to be able to say the same. I can sleep well at night knowing that none of us

• secretly dislike each other
• are cool because we dislike the same person/ people
•  talk about each other’s parents, children, siblings, etc.
• talk about each other’s business to people we know do not like/ care for them

And some of you reading this cannot say the same. If so, I wish you well and I hope you find a genuine group of friends. It is never too late to start over. Just because you’ve known someone for years does not mean you must stay stuck in the friendship. Some friendships are so damaged that all you can do is separate, and that is okay. Find peace in saying PEACE.

Clear these people out of your circle, space, and energy.        

In 2022 we are only bringing people along that see the value in us as a person and a friend. People that reciprocate the same energy we give. People that are not too busy to show up for us. Most importantly, people that truly love us!

I cannot wait to bring more content to you all in 2022. 2021 is the LAST time we are going to be addressing these one-sided friendships. I wish everyone a Happy New Year! See you next Sunday at 7pm 😊

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